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EMPTY
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Just woke up..been sleeping at home with my mum...hahaha ..time now is 10:08pmi just freaking bored rite now .have enuf sleep finally.....i look super awful on friday neway ..one week in sch feels like one month
as in my face look so tired , myeyes were so heavy and painful to open...and i have eyes bags..it was really obvious when i take out my spectacles...even Ms Yani ask me am i ok?? the answer is NO..haha
so...first thing i did when i woke up tdy...find my HP
just two smses....seriously..hate my HP...i am getting less smses and calls ....most of the days...NONE!!
it not like i care so much really abt how many calls or smses i get nowdays...not complaining or anything...which i sound like right now...just that...i so bored with my life
i want something more out of it...idk...
I imagine once
maybe i got a call from some producer
wanting me to act in their movie/drama
haha, then again...if that really happens..maybe it was a hoax..haha
Well...if u ask me how my life lately
it been ok..nothing special happens
just going thru everyday hoping it gets better the next day...
Maybe what i need is......!!
at times i really really
wish someone would say its ok azeerah ...everything going to be find..good job for that and this, etc
hug me , kiss me , say i great ..i miss being LOVE
miss those warmth , feeling safe even how life gets u down
when i see my younger sisters get pampered by parents
I MISS those days
where i only feel warmth and feeling so safe from this awful life
when i scared in the night, my parents would accompany me to sleep
I miss someone saying goodnight to me
I used to get kisses and goodnights from my mum and dad...now it different
I miss someone hold my hand and hug me
I miss the care and concern from them
When i see my sisters having a flu , and get the attention they need make me
miss those days..now nobody cares if i am sick...nobody says anythink anymore...
i wish deep in my heart ..that just one day ...someone would give some warmth and make me safe again...
I MISS BEING LOVE...at night i cried silently...
pretending to be asleep..but all i see is..my dad either kissing my sis forehead , putting her blanket on her while me gets nothing...i feel so invisible at times..not like i am jealous of anythink but just miss those times where my parents show they love me ..which i know they still do ..but not that ways anymore
sometimes i hide my real feelings
by getting angry/ doing something i like ..or indulge in smth else
but deep inside .....i not angry or anything...just afraid to show my craving of love
when i see sad movies/dramas / and listen sad songs
i can easily cried... that why i hate watching them or listen to them
well since i was young , i am a cry baby and weak in the heart when someone say mean word and get so sad....even in primary & sec sch i known for it and my bestfren/good frens knows it ..haha
which i not proud of it...haha
i still am..just that i do it in the night where nobody sees it or hear it...it better that way
But one thing for sure
i know two ppl who love me the most are
GOD AND ME..haha :)
LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE DAY BY DAY .
smile always because it is free
till then
signing out
Azzy